What I'm Up to at the Moment

My wedding sweater. Can you say cashmere, Debbie Bliss Baby Cotton, and sparkle?
Felt golf bags and clubs for our ring bearers/caddys.

Stay tuned after the wedding for the final products! These are faaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaar from done!

MCC Minus Mom

The MCC sale (more specifically West Coast Mennonite Relief Sale and Auction) happens every year at Fresno Pacific University. All funds go to support the Mennonite Central Committee who provides relief for people all over the world(United States included.)
From my early days the MCC sale has been a significant part of my year. My mom would push me in the stroller in the run/walk, then it was a huge deal when I walked too! In my elementary years I would spend a good chunk of time in the kids area, and when I got older it was so exciting that Dad would hand us a bill and say "Don't come back with change." We would then be allowed to roam and buy all kinds of goodies(little toys from the Thousand Village Shop, potted plants made from cuttings, twenty five cent books, funnel cake, balloon animals, homemade ice cream...you get the drift.
Once we were more on the independent side, mom would head straight to the quilt auction to meet her friends. We always knew where she was. Right at the top with all her friends. We'd go check in and sometimes she'd even let us hold her number and do some of her bidding. (Bidding is such a rush folks, you should come try it next year if you don't believe me.) We'd bring her food so she didn't have to miss a thing. In the last two or three years she was part of a group that spear headed having a quilter read a description and "sell" the quilt a little bit  better that the auctioneer might. There were a couple years I didn't make it to the auction and she would call me and tell me all about it. She loved that the better descriptions might be helping the quilt go for a higher price. Mom took her responsibility to make sure the quilts go for a fair market very seriously. She would bid people up and then stick em with it and feel so accomplished. Sure, we've got a few MCC quilts in our closets as a result now, but that's not the point. The point is that more quilts went for more money. Mom knew so many people at the sale. We'd stop and talk to people and if I didn't find out how I knew them or who they were from the conversation Mom would remind me after as we were about to start a conversation with someone new walking up.
This year I was very excited about the sale, primarily because of the auction, sausage, zwiebach and fritters. On might say I had sort of tunnel vision on the food. Later a couple people asked me if I was nervous because I'd see so many  family friends. Reality sort of set in. Don't get me wrong, family friends are great. They've been so supportive during this time, but right now I'm sort of in busy mode. Stay busy, laugh a lot and enjoy who you're with now.  I tossed a hat into my purse on the way out the door, just in case I sort of got tired of being recognized. We got there I realised there were  a LOT of people who knew mom and recognized me. Any other year I'd be thrilled and chat, but a lot of people had the same questions and I wasn't quite prepared to deal. I needed a publicist.
What I got was better. My dear friend Dani D. went out and got a black eye just for us

 (Val, my sister and me.) NOW when we were walking around people would see us and feel sad, then they'd see Dani and think "What happened?" in a matter of seconds. NOW when people would come up to talk they'd say "How are y...(see Dani here) What happened?!" It was nice. I knew they cared, and Dani immediately changed the subject. She must have known how useful it would be and told the girl on the opposing team to be sure to elbow her in the eye. 20 sugar coated fritters later, and a friend with a black eye...life is great. Needless to say, Friday night around 9 I crashed down from my sugar rush and promptly fell asleep.
The next day Val and I did our part and went to the auction. Val bid on and bought a quilt this year and she calls it "All the Reasons Bears are Better Than Children." Valerie is a bear lover and she just couldn't pass this one up. I now recognize many of the artists who made the quilts which is exciting. My friend Cindy made a quilt that had a gazillion pieces and it sold for $3,700. She has some great pictures of the sale and even a clip here.
Truly though, I had a great time. Next year will be a bit better, and the year after that will be better yet. Someday I too will have a quilt in the auction and be describing the incredible masterpieces to the bidders at the quilt auction, continuing the legacy mom left for me.

48 ounces of Jumbled

Disclaimer: I have typed this whole piece while not wearing contacts or glasses. I can't exactly see what I'm typing so please forgive any errors.
Throughout school,teachers would always ask us to come up with alliterations for our name to help them remember. I always said that I was Jumbled Jessica because my brain was everywhere at once. It now seems that I did not quite know the full potential for jumbledness.

My mother passed away on March 29th, and since then I kind of feel like my brain got dropped in this amazing blender we got as an early wedding present. (The most powerful blender on the market, AND it's red.) I have a gazillion things going on at once and lets just say its taken me weeks to organize, clean and pack my room. There were so many wonderful people at her memorial service and I apologise if I mixed up any of your names or even called you by the wrong one.
Many people have asked me "How are you doing?"
I say, "We're doing." Then they generally look at me like I'm sort of crazy or maybe even hiding something.
Its not that I'm hiding anything, I think its more that I don't know. Were just moving forward.It may also be that I don't quite know how I should be doing otherwise, or even because I'm so jumbled and processed that I sometimes have trouble identifying feelings.
Ex. I went to take some things back to Michael's. Items I had taken my mother to procure, and the project never got started, One could say it was almost $20 worth of things I didn't want to throw away. And in retrospect one might say I didn't want the burden of finishing the project or even that it was at the time an unfriendly reminder. Anyway, Luke is with me and we wait in the line, I explain what happened and she says sorry, starts scanning the items, and then says, wait so you're not the card holder? I need the card and the card holder here. I couldn't quite understand how the sales lady didn't understand "passed away this week" and asked if I could have store credit. She said not without the cardholder and the card. I tactfully said loudly "Shes Dead." Took my things and left. Luke kindly followed me through this whole process and was there to hold me in the parking lot when the emotions took over. Like I said, I don't always know they're there but whamo they can hit you like a truck. He also let me stay in the car while he took the items back in to the sales lady per my request.  I realised I just didn't want them.
I think that responding to the death of a close loved one has got to be one of the steps of transitioning to womanhood. I would always glance weirdly at the woman crying in the weirdest place for no apparent reason. A good friend told me that one day you'll think you're fine. You've got it all under wraps, and then something random will set you off and it will twist up your whole day. It's like I need a sticker. I'm turning into a woman. I cry in random places.

There's also this weird sensation of being happy when you sad.

(Check out Tracy's blog here) I kind of wish it had been there earlier, she's a got a great metaphor and pearls of wisdom. Anyway, happy when you're sad is weird. At the service, when I'm seeing all these people I haven't seen in forever, we're celebrating mom's life, re connecting is it wrong that I'm excited and smiling and laughing. I figure not,  but it is a little weird when you're the loudest one in the room. :) I've also got this nice wedding shaped plant to put in the hole (seriously folks go read Tracy's blog) so I get to be excited about that, and have all the projects that mom and I hatched up to finish. I'm getting married in May! Mom died last week. Like I said, wierd sensation.

Unfinished

Mom is home and in order to fit the hopital bed in my parents' room, Dad had to take their big bed apart. The plan has been that he'll sleep on the floor and I work dilgently to get my room packed up and organised so that the stuff thats getting moved to Colorado with Luke and Myself can be stored in the garage, and I will keep the things I need with me for the next two monts sort of accesable but portable. Well, I've been in this tiny room for almost two years now and have figured out how to put things in every nook and cranny. Not to mention we've got lots of sewing stuff of my moms.
Mom is in hospice care , and it is clear that she isnt going to be getting better. As the only other sewer/qiulter I am realising these things are now in the "Jess's Stuff" category as well. Whew. Are you as overwhelmed as I am yet? I thought it would be a while before I aquired all of moms great tools of the trade and fabric stash. Im pulling out boxes and files knowing that many of these things are projects that she intended to get to but didnt. This has become a lesson in finnishing projects I've started. There are many of my mothers projects that I dont know what they were intended for, or what the final goal was. Others that I have no idea what phase theyre even in. It's daunting. There are some special fabrics I KNOW are special, but I'm not quite sure what meaning they hold, as they are unmarked/labled. I'm having to decide what to keep and what not to keep. Am I really going to get this project that A.) Wasnt originally mine and B.) I have no idea what phase its in?
I confess, I'm purging a lot. I'm finding good homes for pattern books, and fabric I don't quite care for. I'm tossing some projects I know are over a decade old and have no "hope" on my list of things to do and create. There's still a lot. It sort of scares me to think about being a frequently moving golf pro's wife with all this "stuff." It seems to be that gone are the days of packing everything I own into the back of a VW bug and taking off. :)

When I was in Moscow conning my non-sewing friends into making qiult blocks for our wedding quilt, I figured I've got the tools here, I should work on another project! Luke and Mark had seemed to have taken a liking to sewing so I got a project we could all work on. A baby quilt for their cousin Stephanie and Mike's baby Eli.

Eli has allready been born but Luke has seen (and held) him on a couple occasions and affectionately calls him a "tank." Luke and Mark sewed together the 9 patches that have lots of cars and little town scenes.

They got pretty good at laying all the pieces out....

and most of their corners match! :)

I then put black sashing in between the blocks, created a back that I might like more than the front,

and then big stich quilted yellow lines in the sashing to make it look like there were roads going between the blocks! I hope he likes to drive his cars on them! Inside the solid blocks I big stitched the shapes of signs.

This quilt was made with lots of love for Eli and I look forward to the day his mom pulls it out and says "It's so worn out, I can't even wash it anymore."

Lessons

I have been a very lucky kid in that my mom has made very sure to teach me all that she can durring my process of growing up rather than wait until I showed specific interest. I was 4 and doing laundry, 5 and sewing little projects, I was 6 and the whole family went backpacking, at about 7 she had me entering grandma's special snickerdoodle cookies in the fair. She showed me how to cook eggs and made us (Val and Me) take turns making dinner (plan the recipe and put what we need on the list) so that we would make a smooth transition into grown-up-dom. As a result I have had a confident, can do atitude and approach to trying new things and have come to value many domestic skills as arts. One friend who was in my high school class but I haven't gotten to know until now, has somehow made it without learning to cook. Family meals are take-out, and baked goods are easily found at Great Harvest(love that place). She has taken it upon herself to learn some cooking skills and I excitedly pounced on this willing student! First we made cupcakes and frosting entirely from scratch! (Inspired by her love for the Great Harvest cupcakes she loves so much!)

Then we made banana chocolate chip bread, inspired by the product carried by Starbucks.

Kristeen is an enthusiastic learner and it's been fun to share all the things I learned from my mom, and realise that I did in fact learn these things somewhere and not everyone gets this information!

Time of Our Lives

Recently I finally caved in and added Miley Cyrus's song "Party in the USA" to my work out play list. It just pumps me up. I love it.

Well I was listening to more of her songs to find out if there were any other "quality" songs. I ended up just buying the whole album at Wal-Mart (yep theyve got a monopoly on the CD I wanted.) and the  lyrics to the song "Time of Our Lives" (listen here) particularly touched me. I called Luke right away if these could be our first dance lyrics and we could do something particularly creative the way they do on that fun wedding dance TV show, but for some reason he just couldn't get past the Miley Cyrus-ness of the song. Understandable.

The lyrics just seemed particularly applicable because in all this stuff with my mom I'm having to learn that I "just gotta let it go," and that I really need to "have the time of my life" with all the other exciting things that are going on. Luke will be working on building his golf resume so we'll be going "wherever the wind blows" us but "I'm there, as long as we're together, Alright!" haha. 

Ohhh my life is a Miley Cyrus Song.  I've always thought that when I die I'd like to have a sound track of my life at my funeral. I'd like the cover photo to be one of my senior pictures with me on my (Uncle Russel's) '72 VW Bug, and and the song There She Goes by Six Pence None The Richer would be track one. I always like to start a good road trip with that one. Looks like Time of Our Lives is number 2!

Time of Our Lives
Seems like we're holdin' on forever


Just gotta let it go
Times up,you pushed me to surrender.

Who knows,what happens now,whatever

Wherever the wind blows

And I'm there as long as we're together
Alright..


(Chorus) Lets have the time of our lives

Like there no one else around

Just throw your hands up high

Even when they try to take us down

We'll have the time of our lives

'Til the lights burn out

Lets laugh until we cry

Life is only what you make it now

Lets have the time of our lives!

(lives..lives..lives..)



Dreamers,dont care if its right

I think Im really into you

Restless,lets leave it all behind
Crazy,when you cross my mind

Oh the trouble we could get into

So what,lets just give this a try

(Chorus)

What are we waitin' for?

Take that chance

Now's all we've got for sure



Lets have the time of our lives

Like there no one else around

Just throw your hands up high

Even when they try to take us down

We'll have the time of our lives

'Til the lights burn out

Lets laugh until we cry

Life is only what you make it now

Lets have the time of our lives!

Waiting in Line in the Fast Lane

Luke recently did a presentation on Pace of Play as part of his Professional Golf Management Program. Pace of play is an allotted amount of time it should take for a golfer to comfortably complete a round of golf.
The thing I found interesting is that when asked to rate their own pace of play, 57.8% considered themselves fast, 37.4% considered themselves average, and 4.8% considered themselves slow.

The kicker? How people rated other golfer's pace of play: Fast 2%; Average 41.8%; Slow 56.2%

Theres a good section of two lane freeway between Fresno and Bakersfield on the way to LA. Traditionally speaking the left lane should be used by those "faster" folks who are passing, who should then get into the right lane out of courtesy for those faster than them. Unfortunately, the California driver and occasional out of town driver's perception of their pace of drive is, well, skewed and I am resigned to waiting in line in the fast lane.

French.

For many reasons, the primary one being that she was in the hospital, my mother was unable to attend the Quilter's Paradise Quilting in the Pines retreat at Bass Lake. I was very lucky and spoiled as my  father encouraged me to go in my mothers place. The quilting retreat is a very special time as you are in a room surrounded by other women, their sewing machines, their chatter, laughter and love. Woah my goodness. I never truly realised until this year just how much love is in that room. Quilters are somehow joined by binding threads and when one is having a rough time they will hold you together much like the quilting that holds together the layers of blanket. All of these women share stories, tell jokes, reminisce, and throw in a bit of sarcasm and mischief to provide some of the best therapy on earth. I'm telling you people pay BIG bucks for therapy this good. As Shakespeare the great writer says "Listen to many, speak to a few." Sure I did a lot of answering questions about Luke, and the wedding and my mom, but the things I heard left me full of that love, including encouragement, advice, stories of experiences, and support that would not and has not been only at the lake.

Speaking of Shakespeare, he has more to say that applies to this weekend....

“Teach not thy lip such scorn, for it was made For kissing, lady, not for such contempt.” Yep...I'm hearing bells and screeching brakes going off in your brain but keep going! The quilt I was working on this weekend was called French Kiss! Not quite your traditional Mennonite Quilt pattern! haha.

I had seen the Amy Butler's Daisy Chain Wildflowers fabric and pretty much gone gaga over it.

 I resisted buying the fabric for a while and then I just couldn't take it anymore. I was thinking about it ALL the time! Well except when I was day dreaming about Luke. Anyway I bought a yard, then began collecting more fabrics I thought would "really go" with it. What I was going to do with it? I really didn't know.

Some time later I went with Jennifer and her girls to see Mark and Cindy at a Quilts in the Trees show in Livermore. It was there that I saw this phenomenal diamond quilt pattern.

Then I found out that it was called French Kiss. THIS made me think of how Jenny and I called Luke Loooooooke because that's how the guy in that movie says it. Should you not recall this see the Video clip here. The pronunciation is about 5min 58 seconds in. Please note that the movie is NOT G rated. So the fact that Looooke would be brought into this quilt as well pretty much sealed the deal. The fact that the quilt concept included kissing? Icing on the cake.

Long story shorter, I worked on this quilt at Huntington in the Fall, and for most of this retreat and its finally finished!! Wooo! Not to say that this quilt wasn't given it's fair share of innuendos, potentially raunchy jokes, and quite a bit of air tongue action. (Every time some one mentioned it I'd stick my tongue way out and wave it around.) This did, however, lighten the mood quite a bit, and turned out rather well if I do say so myself. It was NOT an easy quilt. Diamonds are a pain to pin, but I'm pleased to say that almost all my corners match and I love it! Love it and love Loooooooke! (For those of you who were there....now all I'm gonna need is some sugar cubes...)

Also on the note of French, I made some ooober cool pillow cases that had French Seams which are self encased and don't unravel as much. (See here for directions.)

Hospital Humor

Funny thing today: My mom's name is Susan and her Registered Nurse's name was Susan. My name is Jessica. Mom's Nurses Assistant's name was Jessica.

Good Things Today: Because Mom is in the Hospital she has nurses (and NA's) who know how to help her move and go to the bathroom. I have no clue when it comes to moving/helping people move. Its also good because she's able to get fluids, blood transfusions, and meds through her IV.

Not So Funny Thing Today: It took for-ev-er to get her CT scan done today. She want allowed to eat or drink. Her 12/1 pm CT scan ended up being about 5:45 ish. Long time when you want a drink!

Kind of Scary Thing Today: She's still kind of high on the temperature end of things, and she has even less strength. The lack of strength has moved to her arms and is now using only her right arm to do any maneuvering.

Great Things Today: Our cheerful visitors! Even if you come with a friend and chat she likes to be in the middle of things. She may not be all chatty but it makes her happy to hear things going on! She's in 502-1. When people werent in her room I was reading a funny book which she seemed able to listen to and enjoy!

One in Every Color-Fridge, Stove, Dishwasher

While were on the dream sewing room lets head right over to the dream kitchen. These are the dream appliances. (Made by a company called Big Chill.) I think I'd like a fridge, dishwasher and oven/stove in red. I would like black granite or concrete countertops. I would like my counter tops to be about 3 inches lower than the average counter tops. This has been run by Luke with the understanding that we'll have a very tall shower, and tall bathroom counters. Deal. I would like lighter cabinets. Luke prefers wood and that's fine. I would like a giant kitchen sink two sections, and a tall faucet with a retractable sprayer with a control button option.

I would LOOOOOVE a large island topped with a butcher block. No sinks no fixtures just  an outlet on the side. This is where Ill be doing all my baking! (I'm banking on the idea that big chill will come up with a way to install a second oven with the same look just under the microwave.)

I'll also take one of these! Probably hanging over the island for convenience, and I intend to have something like this plate rack for maybe 10 or so of my Fiesta plates to be arranged in seasonal color combinations!

Sigh....a girl can dream right? :)

One In Every Color-Tape

I'm definitely lusting after this tape found <here> at Happy Tape! Happy Tape people...does it get any better? And yah I know I have a whole stack of ribbon that looks just like this tape... but they'll look so great together in my dream craft room on dispensers like this painted to match!

And one wall over there will be cubbies with fabric and yarn also arranged chromatically. No baskets. I want to see the colors. The bottom wide shelves will be full of pattern books and magazines.

In the middle of this fictional dream room will be a giant table for cutting and blocking and ironing.

The wall with no windows will be corner to corner Wonder Wall. (Sort of like a flannel board) Ill be able to have my projects in progress clinging to that wall and there will be enough open space there so I can lay there with my feet in the air staring at it, and just enough space more so that when Luke walks in to ask me when dinner is and wonders what the heck I'm doing he can join me and lay there looking too! (And then get bored out of his mind and leave to watch ESPN.) 10 minutes later I might start dinner.

Wow...look what that tape started...

Sometimes Its Better To Not Say Anything

I haven't blogged in quite a while as things got rather interesting. Sometimes there's a fine line between blog material and things that will get you in trouble if the wrong reader should happen to come across it. Ooops! I decided that it might be better to hold off on the blogging and well things just took quite a while to wrap themselves up.

1.) Crazy intense week helping mom her first week in the classroom. I'm a strong personality with a potentially dominant teaching style. It was HARD work to make sure she was staying the boss, but keeping her chemo brain organized, setting up her class. I felt kind of like Oz being behind the scenes, but I know recognize that being the lead is a lot more fun/easier. I also learned the value of separation. Being "at work" and then coming home with her and driving everywhere was too much. Luke wisely suggested I be sure to go to the gym and spend 45 min somewhere not home just reading. Good escape. I read Tamora Pierce's Protector of the Small Quartet over the following week and a half.

2.) Super fun weekend with the "O" girls. I got to play "gymnastics" mom and we made some fun invisible ink.

3.) I got sick. It was the Jr. Highers or waking up waaaaaay too early for too many days. Took me out for about a week. Mom was still pushing through with teaching again (she has Multiple Myeloma and within the last year has undergone chemo AND radiation). She was coming home and passing out as soon as she got here. I was glad to be the supportive happier daughter when I picked her up and took her places again.

4.) I headed up to Moscow to see Luke! Yay! And work on wedding quilt blocks with roommates and friends in Moscow! Yay! It was a great weekend! Luke is great! I got to cook! (They graciously let the living/kitchen space be my "turf" when I'm there. Not like they don't get some pretty good meals out of it though (if I do say so myself.)

5.) My congestion hadn't completely cleared up and had been aggravated from the flying to Moscow. I had 4 take offs and landings to get home so I was VERY wary. When I woke up the morning I was supposed to go home with MORE congestion I said "I think I'll reschedule." (Having already had 1 ruptured ear drum under my belt I did not want another.) I went to Wal-Mart and loaded up on decongestant and nasal sprays, and hunkered down for a glorious week in Moscow. There's something about that place. I cooked, I went to see Luke and Marks intramural games. I visited with friends. Luke, Mark and I even worked on and finished a baby quilt top for their cousin!

6.) I had the most grand adventure on the way home. I have a horrible pattern of not waking up for important things. I kind of sort of woke up at 6:20 in the morning and my flight was scheduled to leave at 6:45...panic! AHHHH! I yelled....Luke heard me and started hauling my stuff out to the car faster than I even knew he could wake up. He drove to the airport faster than anyone should probably safely drive and I'm on the phone trying to figure out if I can reschedule my flight before I have to buy a whole new ticket. We get to the airport in maybe 5 min flat. (No joke.)There's no plane which is unusual. I'm hoping maybe it hasn't landed yet and not that it just left. I run in. The Pullman airport is small and rather sparse so it wasn't completely weird for me to run up to the man at the desk and say "Is there any chance that the flight out hasnt landed yet?" He tells me "it just flew over to Lewiston." My heart sank and as I was walking away defeated it took my brain maybe 15 min to finally process that it FLEW OVER! The commuter plane didn't stop to pick up the passengers! They would have to reschedule everyone! I'm SAVED! My bank account is saved! (Plane tickets in and out of Pullman/Moscow aren't cheap.) Not only was I saved but I was one lucky duck. Because I hadn't gone through security yet I was first in line! AND was first on best plane out of there! AND I got to fly with Kelly a friend also visiting Moscow which meant we got to have smoothies together in Seattle!

7.) Mom has Pneumonia and is really unstable and tired a lot. She is done teaching at least until August. Please keep her in your prayers. Things aren't looking too hot from this angle. I was subbing on Friday and this poor unknowing second grader was telling me that she was sad because her grandpa died. He had cancer and then he got Pneumonia. Ugh. Not the thing I wanted to hear. To those of you who I told I would be at church this morning and think I ditched you...I kind of did, but we had a rather dramatic scare this morning. I woke up and heard mom sobbing in their room. Then I heard the word broken in my dad's voice. This is an underlying fear of Multiple Myeloma because it puts little pores/lesions in her bones and makes them very weak. Dad told me they heard a crack and she had fallen and that she thought she might have broken her ankle. I was so scared her legs are so weak already. She did not need one more thing. We took her sock off. Nothing looked wrong. Then she started moving her foot around and said there were no pains. I felt so sick. I'm normally someone who can hold it together until after and am generally a person of action. I just had to go back to my room and lay down and sleep. I felt lame for leaving my dad, but I'm starting to learn that my body might be using sleep as a defense mechanism. Everyone sort of hung around the fort today. My dad worked on HIS wedding quilt block. I did some hand quilting on the baby quilt. Mom slept, ate, sort of incoherently interjected in conversation, and then slept some more. Its hard to know what to think, and what to expect. Today wasn't a bad day. It was actually some pretty good family time, but man life throws us curve balls.