Sunday, April 18, 2010

Miss Independant

My dad had found a book in my mothers night stand called The Love Between Mothers and Daughters edited by Helen Exley. It was one of those quote books full of so many sentimental quotes that you almost start writing them off. I took particular note however because this one had a post-it (yeeees, Mom did love her post-it notes) marking a particular page.

"A loving and careful mother both recognises and even protects her daughter's autonomy and also helps her dance out confidently on to a wider stage." -Rachel Billington

"My mother raised me, and then freed me." -Maya Angelou

Mom always said "We're raising you to be independent." This was an kind of independence I never thought would come when I was younger, surprised me when I turned 18, and I appreciate now.

My friends thought it weird that I was using a debit card in 6th grade. Their parents thought it strange that I was doing laundry by age 5. My parents friends thought it weird that they let me go on a road trip from San Diego to Victoria Island in Canada at the age of 18 by myself.  This independence has played an interesting role in relationships with friends, family, and especially boys.

I still found need for my parents, and was by no means completely independent. In my early years I wasnt allowed to wear two pieces, I had to go on group dates (no single couple) until I was 16. Mom stood over me while I was doing my homework, made me get my planner signed even in High School when I wasn't being responsible. Being a teacher in the school district she even had quick access to all my teachers email addresses. Talk about accountability. "We're  preparing you." she'd say. Ugh I hated that and NEVER thought she'd let go. Sure enough, once I was 18 she let go. Swim or sink was her mentality I think. Lucky for me, her persistance in high school got me on the right foot so swim and I now keep a thorough planner. Much to Luke's dismay sometimes. Granted there were many ways I chose to remain attached. I didn't make certain decisions that would be bound to get me cut off financially for example.

There a all kinds of things I'm sure I coulg go into but mostly....
I found it interesting. Of all the pages in this book, this is the one marked.
Just sayin is all.


Grandma G said...

Sounds like your mom did a fantastic job... she truly has taught you to "dance out confidently". Keep on dancin'...!

by George! said...

The apple doesn't fall too far from the tree.

The Luedtke Family said...

That is why within the first moments of holding my babies, I had thoughts of letting go. Check out my post from June of last year. Be sure to carry on the letting go, making choices, and being independent when it is your turn to shape the next generation. I'll have to say I get a bit frustrated when my almost 5 year old trys his independance out for a spin. Like when he popped his own popcorn for 33 minutes because he "wanted a little snack". Good thing Eric stopped the microwave at 31 minutes. Or how he has figured out to open my car door to open the garage to get the desired and much needed toy of the minute. All moments for shaping the future, I guess.

BB said...

I remembered you getting your planner signed in high school. I guess it did pay off!

Tanya said...

What a special gift to find that book and know that your mom was thinking about you and Val when she marked those pages. It sounds like her strategy for independence has paid off and you have turned into an amazing and confident woman!