Back Among The Living...almost.

I know that title sounds dire. It sort of felt dire. I wasn't quite at 100%  health before I came to Colorado Springs. I'd been having some ear nose and throat issues that I had thought I had kicked...I flew to Colorado...Luke picked me up at the Denver airport with a Rocky Mountain Chocolate Factory caramel chocolate apple in hand (the man knows how to woo.)
He brought me back to our apartment, which was cleaned VERY well, including an immaculate kitchen, fresh sheets and smelly candles.  He had put cheery Christmas lights in the window. (Warm ones folks, he put aside his love for the latest and greatest in Christmas lights cold looking LED, for my appreciation of warm hues.) We were in wedded bliss....
then, an airport full of germs and a huge change in climate and altitude later and the next morning  I was one sick puppy.
I pretty much didn't leave the apartment...or bed...until we left to be with Luke's family for Christmas.

Wait. I take it back. I made it to Target where I finally picked up one of these.

Solution goes in one nostril, fills the sinuses and flows out the other nostril taking with it all the disgusting mucus.

Gross I know.

I'd been hearing all the magical things it's been doing for other people though....could I get over my dislike for water up my nose (I plugged my nose with my fingers while on the swim team people) enough to get the mucous out of it?

When I made the comment that I'd like to use a pipe cleaner to get all the junk out I finally decided the water/solution would be a safer option.

I'm sooooo glad I decided to go this route. It was no miracle cure don't get me wrong but it(combined with meds, water and 12+ hours of sleep) gave my body a chance to start to get over the hump. Good thing Neola took pictures of our time in Grand Junction or the Christmas update to come soon would be sparse. But don't worry, updates are coming. Though they might be later than earlier as I'm still requiring 8 hours of sleep. I've decided just breathing in Colorado Springs is a full time job.

Just Jessica

Soooo now I'm married. The question has come up achem....as to whether or not Just Jessica is still an appropriate blog title.



"What's in a name? That which we call a rose

By any other name would smell as sweet."

Romeo and Juliet (II, ii, 1-2)

Back when I started my blog, the other bloggers I knew had family blogs. Mine was all mine. It was about me. Just me. Just Jessica.

Im married now. The kids at work have been calling me Mrs. N. They found out my whole new last name and we had a solid 5 minute conversation about it. Pronouncing all the syllables, then I had to write it on the board so they'd get all the sounds. Then a couple reverted to singing Nickelodeon theme songs. Nick nick nick nah nick nick nick ah loh de an.

Do we change to something clever tying in golf and crafting? Are we now Just Jessica and Luke since kids are a LONG ways in the future? How about Just Married Jessica? (Credit for the last two goes to commenters.)  Tell us what you think? Give us some suggestions? I think I'll put up a vote sometime next week once we've heard what ya'll have to say!

I am so frustrated....

that I could scream, spit, throw things, kick. Basically throw an all out throw down tantrum. But I wont. Ill just go in my room, call Luke, sob hysterically, he'll try to understand me through my hiccupping and loud bursts of tears. Then he'll talk me down and I'll figure out some way to mellow out to try to fall asleep before my sub job tomorrow.
My dad doesn't like stuff. Particularly stuff that's not his. He calls it junk. "What do you want me to do with this junk?" he says. He usually says this when hes moving it. Not because you asked him to but because he wants it out of his way. He doesn't want to see it. A mess is something you can see. If it's stuffed into a box, or into a drawer he doesn't have to look at, it's not a mess.
This has become an increasing larger issue because much of mom's stuff he has no use for. Therefore, it is junk. Get rid of it is his new mantra.

Only thing is, some of these things are things Valerie and I still use on a regular basis, have particularly fond memories of, and hope to use someday. Some of these things weren't even moms. Like the potted plants I grew from cuttings almost 8 years ago. The fact that they're even still alive is an incredible feat. I let my mom take them to her class sometimes for the school year but they'd come home and were still mine. My dad gave them away to my moms' caretaker. I didn't even know until the dust had settled after mom's service on Easter Sunday. He has yet to get them back.

Then there's the Tupperware. Mom had a set of 10 large Tupperware bowls. Great for pancake mix or fruit salad in the fridge. Especially great for cooking in the classroom. Which I do. I use the bowls at least once a quarter. Yep those were gone to.

Knowing that things are moving, disappearing, going places. It sets in a sense of panic. Here is my life as I've known it...home, found in not necessarily the architecture...and its changing. Faster than I can turn around. I was prepared for things to be different as far as not having mom physically here, but this is taking things to a whole 'nother level.

Part of me knows we cant take things with us to heaven so what does it matter, but maybe the things that have been left behind are reminders to help our family who is left behind. No. We DONT have to keep all of these things. We DO need to be considerate of those who DO want things.

Throwing everything away will "piss people off" and make them estranged relatives rather than loved ones. Saying "I'll put it in a box in the garage and you can have what you want" does not promote a healthy attitude of truly assessing and saying do I really want this.

When I see my dad getting rid of things I panic and say that I want it all. When I go through it I get rid of more than I thought I would.

Today was a pretty good day. Dad and I had lunch, I came home did some organizing in my room, getting rid of things, packing. Dad and I went to the gym, and even got him some new pans. We come home he gets out his pans, great he can use his pans, wash them in the dishwasher (he loooooves running the dishwasher and these are dishwasher safe) and put them away. I go to meet Val and a friend for appetizers. We come home and he's got a box in the kitchen. And the cupboards with the things we use when people come over are empty. Everything is on the counter. Other things are in the box. Panic takes over.

He told me today how he got rid of one pan that we've ALWAY made mashed potatoes in. Fine. Whatever. He tells me that he got rid of a bunch of "old cans of food that we never use." He got rid of pumpkin people. Hellloooooo pumpkin shortage this year. We were saving it for the pumpkin pecan dessert my mom loved. Still okay. I can deal. But when I see all the pretty colored aluminum cups on the counter right next to that box. And the mini HAVILAND saucers right there with them. We're talking OLD bone china.

Let me just say, that panic does not make a girl rational. Panic does not make a girl say "okay, Ill just pack up what I want." Panic makes me scream and cry and want to put it all in a box where he cant touch it. I can stand guard and label it Jessica's Don't Throw Away. THEN it will be safe and Ill have it. No one else. But really what then is the benefit? And really....packing all these things up for what? To leave in the garage that he wants empty? To leave while Luke and I traipse around the country doing golf stuff for who knows how long? Old things, sentimental family items are meant for a home. A home with memories. A home that you come back to.  A home that is the center of the family.

Argh, make the panic go away. Make me rational enough to pack everything up sensibly. Make me effective enough to do it quickly. Make it not hurt.

So. In response to his questions at the end of his blog titled "Dead Woman Talking" when he asks

Was God sending me a message? Was Sue? Was my mind just working to resolve my own internal conflicts? Bruce woke up shortly afterward, at 5 a.m. (8 a.m. his usual time zone) and we discussed the dreams a bit. I have an idea what I think about them, but would be interested to hear what some of you think.

I say it was your brain. Telling you its okay to get rid of things because that's what you want to hear. Our brains use sleeping time to file things that happen during the day. To file our thoughts and ideas. If it is a message it is not "sure, go throw  everything away. Get rid of it all." Mom would never have instigated so much stress and tension.

Lessons

I have been a very lucky kid in that my mom has made very sure to teach me all that she can durring my process of growing up rather than wait until I showed specific interest. I was 4 and doing laundry, 5 and sewing little projects, I was 6 and the whole family went backpacking, at about 7 she had me entering grandma's special snickerdoodle cookies in the fair. She showed me how to cook eggs and made us (Val and Me) take turns making dinner (plan the recipe and put what we need on the list) so that we would make a smooth transition into grown-up-dom. As a result I have had a confident, can do atitude and approach to trying new things and have come to value many domestic skills as arts. One friend who was in my high school class but I haven't gotten to know until now, has somehow made it without learning to cook. Family meals are take-out, and baked goods are easily found at Great Harvest(love that place). She has taken it upon herself to learn some cooking skills and I excitedly pounced on this willing student! First we made cupcakes and frosting entirely from scratch! (Inspired by her love for the Great Harvest cupcakes she loves so much!)

Then we made banana chocolate chip bread, inspired by the product carried by Starbucks.

Kristeen is an enthusiastic learner and it's been fun to share all the things I learned from my mom, and realise that I did in fact learn these things somewhere and not everyone gets this information!

French.

For many reasons, the primary one being that she was in the hospital, my mother was unable to attend the Quilter's Paradise Quilting in the Pines retreat at Bass Lake. I was very lucky and spoiled as my  father encouraged me to go in my mothers place. The quilting retreat is a very special time as you are in a room surrounded by other women, their sewing machines, their chatter, laughter and love. Woah my goodness. I never truly realised until this year just how much love is in that room. Quilters are somehow joined by binding threads and when one is having a rough time they will hold you together much like the quilting that holds together the layers of blanket. All of these women share stories, tell jokes, reminisce, and throw in a bit of sarcasm and mischief to provide some of the best therapy on earth. I'm telling you people pay BIG bucks for therapy this good. As Shakespeare the great writer says "Listen to many, speak to a few." Sure I did a lot of answering questions about Luke, and the wedding and my mom, but the things I heard left me full of that love, including encouragement, advice, stories of experiences, and support that would not and has not been only at the lake.

Speaking of Shakespeare, he has more to say that applies to this weekend....

“Teach not thy lip such scorn, for it was made For kissing, lady, not for such contempt.” Yep...I'm hearing bells and screeching brakes going off in your brain but keep going! The quilt I was working on this weekend was called French Kiss! Not quite your traditional Mennonite Quilt pattern! haha.

I had seen the Amy Butler's Daisy Chain Wildflowers fabric and pretty much gone gaga over it.

 I resisted buying the fabric for a while and then I just couldn't take it anymore. I was thinking about it ALL the time! Well except when I was day dreaming about Luke. Anyway I bought a yard, then began collecting more fabrics I thought would "really go" with it. What I was going to do with it? I really didn't know.

Some time later I went with Jennifer and her girls to see Mark and Cindy at a Quilts in the Trees show in Livermore. It was there that I saw this phenomenal diamond quilt pattern.

Then I found out that it was called French Kiss. THIS made me think of how Jenny and I called Luke Loooooooke because that's how the guy in that movie says it. Should you not recall this see the Video clip here. The pronunciation is about 5min 58 seconds in. Please note that the movie is NOT G rated. So the fact that Looooke would be brought into this quilt as well pretty much sealed the deal. The fact that the quilt concept included kissing? Icing on the cake.

Long story shorter, I worked on this quilt at Huntington in the Fall, and for most of this retreat and its finally finished!! Wooo! Not to say that this quilt wasn't given it's fair share of innuendos, potentially raunchy jokes, and quite a bit of air tongue action. (Every time some one mentioned it I'd stick my tongue way out and wave it around.) This did, however, lighten the mood quite a bit, and turned out rather well if I do say so myself. It was NOT an easy quilt. Diamonds are a pain to pin, but I'm pleased to say that almost all my corners match and I love it! Love it and love Loooooooke! (For those of you who were there....now all I'm gonna need is some sugar cubes...)

Also on the note of French, I made some ooober cool pillow cases that had French Seams which are self encased and don't unravel as much. (See here for directions.)

Sometimes Its Better To Not Say Anything

I haven't blogged in quite a while as things got rather interesting. Sometimes there's a fine line between blog material and things that will get you in trouble if the wrong reader should happen to come across it. Ooops! I decided that it might be better to hold off on the blogging and well things just took quite a while to wrap themselves up.

1.) Crazy intense week helping mom her first week in the classroom. I'm a strong personality with a potentially dominant teaching style. It was HARD work to make sure she was staying the boss, but keeping her chemo brain organized, setting up her class. I felt kind of like Oz being behind the scenes, but I know recognize that being the lead is a lot more fun/easier. I also learned the value of separation. Being "at work" and then coming home with her and driving everywhere was too much. Luke wisely suggested I be sure to go to the gym and spend 45 min somewhere not home just reading. Good escape. I read Tamora Pierce's Protector of the Small Quartet over the following week and a half.

2.) Super fun weekend with the "O" girls. I got to play "gymnastics" mom and we made some fun invisible ink.

3.) I got sick. It was the Jr. Highers or waking up waaaaaay too early for too many days. Took me out for about a week. Mom was still pushing through with teaching again (she has Multiple Myeloma and within the last year has undergone chemo AND radiation). She was coming home and passing out as soon as she got here. I was glad to be the supportive happier daughter when I picked her up and took her places again.

4.) I headed up to Moscow to see Luke! Yay! And work on wedding quilt blocks with roommates and friends in Moscow! Yay! It was a great weekend! Luke is great! I got to cook! (They graciously let the living/kitchen space be my "turf" when I'm there. Not like they don't get some pretty good meals out of it though (if I do say so myself.)

5.) My congestion hadn't completely cleared up and had been aggravated from the flying to Moscow. I had 4 take offs and landings to get home so I was VERY wary. When I woke up the morning I was supposed to go home with MORE congestion I said "I think I'll reschedule." (Having already had 1 ruptured ear drum under my belt I did not want another.) I went to Wal-Mart and loaded up on decongestant and nasal sprays, and hunkered down for a glorious week in Moscow. There's something about that place. I cooked, I went to see Luke and Marks intramural games. I visited with friends. Luke, Mark and I even worked on and finished a baby quilt top for their cousin!

6.) I had the most grand adventure on the way home. I have a horrible pattern of not waking up for important things. I kind of sort of woke up at 6:20 in the morning and my flight was scheduled to leave at 6:45...panic! AHHHH! I yelled....Luke heard me and started hauling my stuff out to the car faster than I even knew he could wake up. He drove to the airport faster than anyone should probably safely drive and I'm on the phone trying to figure out if I can reschedule my flight before I have to buy a whole new ticket. We get to the airport in maybe 5 min flat. (No joke.)There's no plane which is unusual. I'm hoping maybe it hasn't landed yet and not that it just left. I run in. The Pullman airport is small and rather sparse so it wasn't completely weird for me to run up to the man at the desk and say "Is there any chance that the flight out hasnt landed yet?" He tells me "it just flew over to Lewiston." My heart sank and as I was walking away defeated it took my brain maybe 15 min to finally process that it FLEW OVER! The commuter plane didn't stop to pick up the passengers! They would have to reschedule everyone! I'm SAVED! My bank account is saved! (Plane tickets in and out of Pullman/Moscow aren't cheap.) Not only was I saved but I was one lucky duck. Because I hadn't gone through security yet I was first in line! AND was first on best plane out of there! AND I got to fly with Kelly a friend also visiting Moscow which meant we got to have smoothies together in Seattle!

7.) Mom has Pneumonia and is really unstable and tired a lot. She is done teaching at least until August. Please keep her in your prayers. Things aren't looking too hot from this angle. I was subbing on Friday and this poor unknowing second grader was telling me that she was sad because her grandpa died. He had cancer and then he got Pneumonia. Ugh. Not the thing I wanted to hear. To those of you who I told I would be at church this morning and think I ditched you...I kind of did, but we had a rather dramatic scare this morning. I woke up and heard mom sobbing in their room. Then I heard the word broken in my dad's voice. This is an underlying fear of Multiple Myeloma because it puts little pores/lesions in her bones and makes them very weak. Dad told me they heard a crack and she had fallen and that she thought she might have broken her ankle. I was so scared her legs are so weak already. She did not need one more thing. We took her sock off. Nothing looked wrong. Then she started moving her foot around and said there were no pains. I felt so sick. I'm normally someone who can hold it together until after and am generally a person of action. I just had to go back to my room and lay down and sleep. I felt lame for leaving my dad, but I'm starting to learn that my body might be using sleep as a defense mechanism. Everyone sort of hung around the fort today. My dad worked on HIS wedding quilt block. I did some hand quilting on the baby quilt. Mom slept, ate, sort of incoherently interjected in conversation, and then slept some more. Its hard to know what to think, and what to expect. Today wasn't a bad day. It was actually some pretty good family time, but man life throws us curve balls.

Engaged. To Be Married.

Eeeeeeeeeeeeh! I'm so excited! (Okay, just had to get that little school girl shriek out. You didn't see the jumping up and down. Luke and I are engaged. Today, we had some down time before he had to fly out. We were sitting on the couch, facebooking it up, and he suggested looking at rings. I figured we were in fact just going to look, since I knew he had concerns regarding my Etsy ring requests. I was voting for a band, he was voting for something more sparkly. Anyway, we went to the jewelry store, and just sort of browsed. The poor saleslady was so confused because I kept asking for smaller! I take rings off in my sleep and other places, and well the idea of losing something huge and sentimental is scary! Finally I wound my way over to the promise ring section and I showed Luke this pretty little white gold ring with three diamonds. Luke basically said, "We'll take this one." and that was that. It was going to be sized, and we would pick it up in a hour. We went back and she asked if I wanted to wear it out. I said yes. When we got to the car Luke said: "I'm going to need that back." I gave him a look! What!? He said "I haven't proposed yet." I gave him back the ring. Maybe a little bit grudgingly.

As we were sitting outside on the swing, I began to think, uhhh we have to get him to the airport in about an hour. He cant take the ring with him too! (As Cindy says, ONE of them has to stay, they can't both leave!) Hows this gonna work? Just as these thoughts began to go through my head he pulled me over to a shady area. He got down on one knee, and took the ring out. Okay, so I knew it was coming, what compelled the tears to well up in my eyes? I don't know. OF COURSE I said yes, and he put the ring on my finger. Then the excitement set in! Luke says its a good thing he waited because the high pitchedness is "a bit much."
We reenacted the whole thing in photos for the benefit of people who weren't there. (All of you.)

The first of many compromises to come! I like it. A lot.

Basic Low Down Before the Big Stuff

All track of time has been lost so I will do my best to catch up. Life has been moving pretty quick! We're talking Lightning McQueen fast people. The weekend before finals I was given the gift of Luke, in that his parents very kindly helped arrange for him to come down to visit as soon as he was out of his apartment. Which meant that he finished finals, wrapped up the internship hunt, moved out of his apartment, and then drove up to Spokane by 4:30 Sunday morning where Emma my cousin dropped him off at the airport. Luke then flew from Spokane to Sacramento where my Aunt Cindy and cousin Katie picked him up and brought him down to Fresno where we were having a family gathering! (At this point Luke said he was on 60 hours and only 4 of them included sleep.) When he finally arrived at our house, he was out. For at least 16 hours. I tried to wake him up once, and he said something about Colorado? I snuck a picture of him burrowing in my pillows. Hiding from the heat I think!

I had finals and work all week that overlapped with the credential program at Fresno Pacific, so if was a bit stressful but when I went out to take my mom to the bank I found this friendly surprise wishing me congratulations on graduation! Yay! I graduated from Fresno State!

Once Luke was here my mom immediately created a "honey do" list for him. Haha. She kept it on the fridge and included things like buying and planting zinnias in the front yard, planting her rosemary bush, making the washer stop thumping when it spins, cutting down our palm trees, changing a light bulb in the garage, etc.
Through an unfortunate lack of awareness on both of our parts, we failed to realise that Luke's plane was scheduled to leave Sacramento at 10:45 on THURSDAY not Friday like we had thought. Sooo on Thursday morning that sort of hit us like a ton of bricks.
HOWEVER, it DID give us more time together and for that I was grateful. We were able to spend Saturday up at Lakeview Cottages and I was able to show him around the mountains I grew up "wandering"!

We hiked up to Inspiration Point. (just about 7,000 ft elevation)

It was exciting for me to see all the growth along the trail. Since the wildfire all I can really remember is little shrubs. It was sort of a surprise for me to be noticing young trees that were taller than me!

After our hike we had barbecued asparagus, trout (caught that day in the lake) and country style potatoes! Yum! On Sunday we had intended to go check out some of the golf courses near the beach. Instead, I called Luke who has been staying at Mark and Cindy's house and suggested sleeping in. It wasn't a hard battle to win. We spent the rest of our "lazy day" cutting out pieces for a quilt (me) and working on PGM (professional golf management) binders (Luke). We finished it off with Sal's Mexican food to-go and a movie from the 4 for $20 rack at Blockbuster's. Life is good.

Growth

Yep in spite of all the chaos, I'm growing! Learning new things and starting new adventures. On Monday I started the Credential Program at Fresno Pacific University. In about a week I will be graduated from Fresno State. I now know how a chemo appointment goes, and Jennifer has taught me how to give mom pain med injections (not as hard as I thought it would be...but still wierd.) My laptop hard drive was failing...so we pulled the plug on it and I will be growing into a new laptop pretty quick here (thank you to the Eagle Networks crew!)
On a complete side note: Luke is coming down tomorrow! He bought his plane ticket today. Sure brightens things up!

25 Things

25 Random Things

1.)I used to play World of Warcraft. I had a level 70 Priest.
2.)I just learned to knit less than a year ago and I love it! (Even if it makes me an “old woman”)
3.)I’m addicted to the Twilight series…especially that special Anne of Green Gables Dress. I have no idea what it looks like but it’s fabulous I’m sure.
4.)I have 14 pairs of black shoes.
5.)I’ve been saving blue glass bottles since high school.
6.)Yellow is my least favorite color…and I drive a yellow bug. I think the rims counteract the yellow-ness.
7.)I have a jar of broken golf tees in my room. Every time I go somewhere golf-ish (more frequently now that I go places with Luke), I grab broken tees from the range or tee boxes and take em home to add to my jar.
8.)I don’t really wear jewelry. If I put on a necklace it stays there for a month. I love wearing my mom’s old silver band ring but I think I’m wearing it out. I’m pretty hard of rings.
9.)I don’t like rice. I like rice pudding, and over steamed rice drenched in butter and jam, but that’s it.
10.)I wear men’s deodorant. Old Spice Sport, to be exact.
11.)I love lounging in the sun like a cat.
12.)I wrestled at Pinedale when I was in the 4th, 5th and 6th Grade.
13.)I HATED Jr High and High School. With a passion. I think I had meltdowns before the first day every year. Sure there were good parts, but I wouldn’t go back!
14.)I have an interview process/list of requirements for whoever I date. We keep dating until the list doesn’t match up or I get a ring J. Some of the weirdest things: can drive a manual car, will read out loud to me, will sweep and mop (I vacuum)
15.)I like getting History DVD’s from Netflix. Last night I watched one about Jamestown.
16.) I would like to spend some time teaching in an American School abroad, like in one of my favorite books Bloomability by Sharon Creech. Maybe Germany, Italy, Switzerland, or something.
17.)I’ve been planning imaginary weddings since I was in the third grade. At one point I had a binder. Now I have power points.
18.) I could watch John and Kate Plus 8 for days.
19.) I am afraid of mattresses and unfriendly people/animal germs. I’ll lay in the dirt but don’t make me touch a sketchy couch, or any bare mattress. Something about permeable surfaces.
20.) Fall leaves on a sunny afternoon make me swoon! Thank you U of I arboretum.
21.) Drinking my daily quota of water is a challenge.
22.) I keep my knitting patterns in a binder labeled ENV SCI 101&102. I made it really cute with stickers and cropped paper lines. I cant bear to take it out.
23.) I think outlook has the best calendar system for me. It pops up with reminders whenever I need to be somewhere.
24.)I like to dip my corn chips in Ranch Dip.
25.)I have a whole Civil War era outfit, and like to wear it any chance I get! (Choir Concerts, Civil War Reenactment, Halloween, etc.)