Don’t Click Buy

Let me first start off with the most sincere gratitude for all of your kind and encouraging words. So often we feel like we must keep heartache in but in my head I know I would want to support my friends if they were having similar experiences. So even though it is extremely vulnerable, the knowledge, the support and the insight of others is so worth the vulnerability. If we take nothing else away from this experience, let us take that.

Secondly, the sun was out today. Rico and I took two walks. The general productivity is increased, though the brain functionality is not. One small downfall to leaning on others during stressful times is that it sort of becomes impossible to remember who you told what. For example: there were some items that were desired by both parties. Someone, more than one person I’m sure...at some point reminded me that hose are just things and that things can be replaced.  (My sister was not one of those someone’s as I learned today. She does not remember that conversation.)

Anyway, those someone’s were right. They are just things. Things we acquired in our 10 year relationship. And to be quite honest....when you put them all in your online shopping cart, or in three online shopping carts because they can’t all be found st the same place...those things amount to quite a significant sum. 

So my dad dabbles in real estate, my sister dabbles in money management. They’re clever people. They also have good number sense. I do not. Nor have I ever claimed to. 

They were real clear when they said “Don’t go spending the dollars. It doesn’t make cents.” They didn’t say exactly that, but you get the gist. 

I reacted surprisingly strongly to a recent conversation. I’m in a weird nesting mode. I’m wanting to keep the things I researched and planned for the same. I think subconsciously I’m doing this so I don’t miss the things, and consequently the person choosing to be out of my life. I find myself wanting to change the things I don’t like, or compromised on, because it can and why shouldn’t I? I’m reasesrching how to finish projects that aren’t done because they were his and I decided I would let them be his...but now they’re mine. 

The reality is that life isn’t the same, life won’t be the same and that it’s impractical for me to expect to load up my Amazon, IKEA, and Costco carts and purchase everything I want to “make things whole.”  Idolitry? Coveting? That’s a bitter pill to swallow.

I’m lucky to have people in my life brave enough to say what they notice. Even though it’s really uncomfortable and not at all satisfying.

Successes:
1.) Roommate found.
2.) Walking. Rico and I walked 16,100 steps. Not my best but definitely better than zero.
3.) I did not click “buy” on anything.
4.) I returned my RedBox rental on time. Home Again. I cannot for the life of me figure out why it’s called that but I found the movie oddly relatable though not life goals. I did not watch it with children or parents in mind and cannot recall appropriateness.

Gratitude:
1.) See’s chocolates.
2.) My tribe. I am so blessed with a tribe that extends far and wide. Thank you to the Twisted Sisters. ❤️
3.) Sunshine. We had it today and I spent the entire drafting of this post with my face pointed at it.
4.) Bulbs peeking out of the ground and a hint of green in the dark brown fields.
5.) The most spectacular caramel vanilla Frappuccino I can get with my Star Rewards. (No really that was my order and wow did she deliver.)