Extra, Extra, Read All About It!

Well. Apparently there are three things that go in the newspaper here. Births. Deaths. Divorces. Yessss.

In less than five days my husband moved out and my roommate moved in.

Why is it that cleaning carpets yourself really isn’t that satisfying?

I moved furniture to support the carpet. My sister brought up something I’d been meditating on, via text. It’s amusing when people who know you well bring up the very topic you were thinking.
“rearranging furniture is so refreshing”
My reply:
“I agree. Though I'm going to be semantic.
Rearranging furniture is good for a fresh start.”

One is typically sore after an aggressive day of cleaning and furniture arranging.
The dog was mildly irritated with so much change of scenery.
While it’s fresh, new, different....and puts a spin of ownership on a situation that’s difficult to own....the after taste is still a little funky. Like fake sweetener.

On big cleaning days I used to be part of a team. It’s strange to get back into a mentality of thinking about how will I manage the tasks I’m not great at on my own. (I know that any of you would have helped if I had asked...I’m not saying  I couldn’t have had help from any of my friends.) it’s just different when you spend so many years intentionally being half of a partnership. One that I thought was quite fantastic. Efficient. Balanced.

Photos. When you order the prints and put them proudly on your wall in a lovely frame it never occurs to you to think “How will I feel about this memory when my husband moves out?”
My past experiences with those photos is that I loved to share them. When someone asks about a certain photo, you get a fondness in your voice when you tell the story. While I don’t want to erase the memories, now I think about the context of those events. We’re they what I thought they were? Do they now mean something different with the information I now have? Which of these memories am I currently willing to share? Which do I even want to talk about or have reminders about? What will be the perspectiveof this new person moving into my home. Full of pictures of an unknown person.

My brain has been busy. It hasn’t had a lot of time to be sad. I think this is intentional. I know some of those things sound sad but really they’re kind of just busy thoughts right now. It’s easier to be busy than to be sad. Being sad is a lot of work.

That being said, thoughts keep rolling around and I’m not sending them off. (I kind of hope this post will help with that.) They’re lingering and I’m having trouble closing some of the doors so that I can focus my energy right now.

I had an interesting conversation with someone about what it means to be enough or fine. Good enough. Fine enough. Things I see in my house that other people don’t is a big one right now. Having someone move in is like having new company that is never going to leave. What will the norm be? At the beginning everyone’s on their best behavior. Wow that is hard to sustain. How long before you can fall into routine and what is “comfortable.” Whet will comfortable look like in a month and how will you know that everyone is satisfied with that level of comfort? Also I spent a lot of years striving for comfort with someone I know and love. What does that look like with someone you’re not in a relationship with.  Like I said...overthinking.

Another component of  enough comes around relationally. There’s quite a bit of healing that needs to be done when someone says “you’re not enough to be worth making it work.” My words. My perception. But something to grapple with. As an individual what will it look like to be enough for myself. For God? What is enough? What will that look like? How will I know I’m there? What can I do to get myself there faster?

Success:
My house is almost as clean as it was the day we moved in.
Roomate is successfully moved in.
Garage door opener will be here tomorrow.

Gratitude:
Encouraging co-workers.
Student who know the drill. I put in a lot of legwork at the beginning of the year to give my students ownership of the class and the procedures. I strive to put myself in the position to be a resource rather than the keeper of everything. At the beginning of the year this is hard for a lot of kids. Especially just coming to middle school. Now I love to tell them “Look at what you can do!”
Rico dog.
Avacados

Prayer Requests:
I’ve been clenching my jaw at night. I’m starting to feel the impact in a lot of ways. I would love if you would pray for my physical health and that I can apropriate emotional responses in a way that doesn’t manifest physically.