Here I am. It's three in the morning. I have yet another major test at 8am, and I'm awake. My brain is busy thinking about 36 young people who count on me to give them knowledge in at least 5 different subjects along with character development. They count on me to offer them support to help them maximize their learning, to teach them how be responsible when the natural consequences don't seem to be enough to motivate them. I'm thinking about how the return for my expended energy is feeling awfully low and yet I am still not reaching everyone who needs reaching.
Here's the thing, my brain is also busy thinking about:
The grown ups that belong to them.
The grownups that administrate the learning and supervise me.
PE testing, and Open House
Observations and interviews I am expected to conduct in other classrooms and on top of everything else.
Major project assignments that involve paperwork I don't have the patience for.
My natural consequences for letting things slide are greater than theirs and yet I still feel like they come first.
A need to take moments to recharge and yet not feeling recharged after taking more moments than I can afford to take.
Oh yah, and
An irritated digestive system that seems to refuse to reset regardless of initiating removal of dairy from my diet.
My husband is in another state. According to Google he is 99+ miles away.
Missing my biggest cheerleader and mentor and role model, my Mom. Because we were two peas in a pod. And she would know what to say, and how to help me balance it all.
Education is not for the weak. I will be among the first to know and announce that. Tonight I'm feeling exceptionally weak. Maybe weak minded? Swamped. Overwhelmed. Stressed that I feel the need to re charge yet too behind to get on top of anything long enough to do so.
There are really people out there who do it all. We read about them, see them on the news and in forums. I am acquainted with people who have more on their plate than I and yet they seem to be managing the very same program with the efficiency of a well oiled machine.
I need oil! I need a machine!
Oh yes and my test tomorrow is very much in relation to going the extra mile to meet the needs of every single student.
I'm feeling selfish....but what about my needs?
Not to self: I should probably not have children.
It's now just about 4am. Here I thought I was an 8 hr minimum sleep kid.
- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone